The 6 necessary balances in life
Note: I’ve coined some new english words that are used in the essay below. This is a working draft.
|Custom Words Used||Meaning|
|gehoputu||GEtting out of way, HOding, PUshing along current and then direction TUrning (Aikido move where instead of blocking an attack head on, you get out of the incoming force and use opponent’s own energy to push along, control, turn and throw him off balance)|
|sccolt/sccoltly||Solwly, Consciously, Continuously Over Long Time. e.g. he worked sccoltly|
|befeths||BEhaviours FEeling THhoughts|
|nisaalst law||How we’re generally likely to behave in the next given timeframe, is usually close to the Average of Last Several Timeframes. More details in essay below.|
1. Balanced Concerns
- What we’re doing now and going to do immediately next is more important than what we did or didn’t do in the past or will or won’t do in the long term future. Therefore, controllable elements of the present (that relates to immediate future) is worthy of our highest concern; followed by some considerations for occasional planning for long term future as its uncertain and prone to change; followed by occasional reflection on the learnable past as its unchangeable and not worth too much concern beyond their usable lessons.
- Being concerned generally with extremely few things is effective because constantly looking at entirety of whats-happening and what-needs-doing may be overwhelming.
- Concerning ourselves with what we want more than on what we don’t want is effective because the former keeps us occupied with how to get there while the latter although helpful if done occasionally drains our energy with excessive fears of potential failures.
- Our behaviour indicates what we really believe, both about ourselves and the world around; therefore our real self evaluations can only be found by paying careful attention to our current behaviour by bringing the reasons and rationale into consciousness. Only then it can be disputed. We Gehoputu our inner feelings if needed by verbalising (and hearing by ears) and intensely feeling it.
- Our principles that we choose to live by are realistic for real flawed human beings not for some imaginary infallible angles.
- 95% Unconditional Love. Positive Mental Attitude and continuous positive re-enforcement 5% Conditional Tit for Tat Feedback.
- Conditional reward or withdrawal of rewards, Extreme cases:: Preventive and rehabilitating social isolation and extremely little punishments. 5%: for breaking basic baselines allow yourself to feed bad.
- We cultivate the win-win attitude by concerning ourselves with the benefit of each decision or situation.
- We consider that it’s better to be more optimistic with slightly less accurate model of the world than be pessimistic with most accurate model at that particular time. Since reality isn’t static and keeps changing, and our attitude and behaviour also changes the reality back, let’s choose our self fulfilling prophecy carefully where it’s slightly leaning towards more optimism than whatever we perceive as actuality as of now.
- Excess anticipation instead of actually making ourselves prepared and ready for the future events, by over pre-thinking, weakens ourselves.
2. Balanced Feedbacks
- All overwhelming experiences are either valid because of our own principals or if they are unreasonably disproportionate feedback, then they can be overcome over time by reasonable refutation via actions and non-resistive observation, even though it may be an uncomfortable process.
- Feelings are feedbacks to be considered but never blindly obeyed as an absolute authority without rigorous scrutiny as they are feedback habits of our current evaluations not necessarily precisely proportionate response to the actual facts.
- Physiological relaxation (eg. slow breathing) leads to mental relaxation and vice versa.
- If we don’t consciously relax then we will unconsciously procrastinate to increase the degree-of-calmness therefore let us always pay attention to our degree-of-calmness.
3. Balanced Self-Assertions
- We are worth exactly as we allow ourselves to behave within the self-assertion-window we perceive we have within our environment; therefore let’s behave with healthy self-worth as a declaration that we do indeed consider ourselves worthy.
- Both as individuals and as a group, we’re neither above or below others but an equal who is equally entitled to assert for self-assertion eg. ease, concession, success, judgement etc Figure: Circle not triangle
- Engaging with others for calibration not continuous-permission exclusively implies we value our own judgements too.
- A healthy ego is balance of self-assertion and humility. Misbalance can lead to arrogance or unworthiness.
- Intention & Results of our actions are always more important than its external validations.
- As individuals, everyday each of us are reincarnation of ourselves of yesterday. So consider everyday a reset and a new start. If you’ve made mistakes, forgive your “past life” for it acted out of misunderstanding. Negotiate with your future self for if you are to make sacrifice today for it, it will also provide you feelings of calmness, confidence and happiness. And if you really reflect on yourself you’ll realise you do really care about your future self; why else would you be anxious and worried?
- If you’re willing to sacrifice yourself for other unborn individuals by involving yourself in acts of social service, surely you would for yourself of future days too by sacrificing some pleasures in laziness today and disciplining yourself.
- Disproportional punishment is injustice. Have same self-compassion to yourself that you have for others and encourage doing what you can, don’t play the disappointed father to yourself.
- Have sequential and many continuous projection of possible future progress that includes intermediate achievement steps and not extreme spikes of either singular and final fantasy of achievement or worst possible Nightmares of failure
- Wisely use imagination in balance because excess use of fantasy for positive emotion will cause you to really believe the emotions from negative expectations/imaginations too. Same with dreams.
- Why not spend time focusing more on steps required to get to your goals and imagine being validated for the hard work and struggle of the climb instead of continuous imagining the view down from the summit? Achievements are values used as visible measure of actual core-value but not the most valuable core value itself. If you’re financially successful your real value isn’t the Ferrari you own but your ability to earn money that will enable you to purchase more ferraris.
- When having an object in possession care for own enjoyment out of its utility more than for its internal or external approval.
- We’re extremely extremely tiny sub-processes within the divine-semi-fractal-whole-process called GOD.
- Our individual self as the observer-process is the observed-process, Punisher is the punished. Reformer needs reforming. Therefore nothing happens to us purely by fate, we individually choose everything. There is no another self but there are sub-conscious reasons for our choosing that seems counterproductive to our current goals therefore trying to understand and negotiate with our own counter-reasonings is sign of harmonious being.
- Learning to be dead while alive by remembering that one day we shall all die and seeing the stages of our lives as reincarnations of ourselves, helps see that our similarities are immensely greater than our differences. Since this causes the notion of our self to expand to include the greater group and bigger parent groups we belong to, our very selfishness turns to altruism as we’re now selfish for larger and larger groups.
4. Balanced Reflection-Rest-Action
- Effective functioning require combination of continuous recall, reminder, rest and action with 'conscious effort’ where all elements are equally important and necessary.
- Self-Discipline has to be conscious, continuous, voluntary and deliberate. It’s illusory to have undisciplined discipline or trying to be passively active.
- Let’s ensure that we are spending more time building the buildings and learning from experience than sitting down and just reflecting on how to make the chisels and hammers better or more perfect. This is a meta point about how many things to remember, what to remember, accuracy of principles etc.
- Philosophical Principals are like workout instructions; so “Knowing” by rereading/recalling and agreeing/understanding and then simply wishing won’t transform oneself; but requires daily graduated practice to gain and maintain the beliefs. Therefore Acting/Application is the only final proof of understanding and results not words/logic is the final confirmation of its validity. And continuous confirmation over time via continuous application is the only possible means of sustaining a belief.
- Our daily behaviours implies what we really believe; not these principles that we read or recall; these are just principles that we find theoretically valid which we want to believe. So If we really want to change our real beliefs which are our daily behaviours, we have to refute them also by new behaviours, i.e. actions not just by thoughts i.e. thinking these principles.
- Motivation is change of belief. And since changing of true belief is refutation by result-producing-action, no principles will make us motivated just by reading them repeatedly. There will never be some magical final principle that will make us motivated and and cause actions by itself without deliberate effort our part. In essence this is ultimately the final principle about motivation to remind us that there isn’t one that will motivate us and make us do things without effort on our part. Anything more motivating than this is in essence this same thing perhaps more clearly expressed via better language or concepts. Therefore stop searching for new books, new techniques, new motivating personality etc. because this is it, and most importantly this is enough. If we understand this we would realise that it is us, future version of ourselves that is just same or very slightly better than yesterday the most motivational person we’d meet. Our experience of mini success achieved via diligent effort itself will be our greatest teacher, principle and motivator we’re looking for.
- Let’s give ourselves a chance that we have our principles right in theory so that we allow ourselves by believing in them by practicing too.
- Practicing to act in accord to these principles right now and and immediately next minute or hour, to whatever degree possible even if very-very-very little is more important than rereading these or reflecting further to find more motivating principles.
- Real beliefs can only be gained and kept by proof of work so as much as possible be aware of your current behaviours; then associate them to a principle; then try to mould it gradually to be more congruous.
- It’s easier to convince ourselves to do little but if there is too much to do we may avoid it altogether so graduating into living the beliefs and not trying to practice the ideals directly from nothing.
- Increase in courage happens by acting out and doing the tiny courageous actions themselves not by just reading them. Reading/Recalling is merely pointing or reminding what we might be capable of, actual capability is only and always only tested, confirmed and grown by actions. So begin small and begin now, right now.
- Let’s do today what needs to be done by tomorrow and let’s start immediately right now whatever needs to be done by today, because, what needs doing won’t be done by itself. And among what needs to be done, let’s do the hard and necessary things first because facts cannot be wiped out by our self-inflicted blindness.
- Most of the time the best moment to do something is ASAP, so let’s apply the few-seconds-rule and go for it.
- Let’s spend more time on working towards that goal compared to indulging on feel-good emotions of the imagined success.
- Extended maintenance of success is the generator of motivation and strength so being content with maintaining the slightly improved progress instead of constantly aiming for bigger goals.
- Obstacles are the only possible way to our goals and the severity of challenges will always be proportional to the goals value. Harder the struggle further we are purified like metal being strengthened in a furnace OR consider the problems are opportunity waves to rise and surf through.
- A fall is not an injury, let alone a serious injury with setbacks. If we fall, we can get back up. Repeat. Repeat…So let’s allow ourselves to fail, and fail quickly and often as that’s the only way of progress.
5. Balanced Exertions
- The irony is using effort (i.e. avoid comfort and do the thing necessary) to discipline oneself ends up causing more general comfort and feel-good feelings and satisfaction at end of the day as compared to not using effort and staying in the comfort of laziness.
- We can use effort to influence our befeths and not just go with the flow exclusively as rowing the boats with oars made of a tree we can influence it’s direction & speed, while lying flat on dead logs made from the same tree we just choicelessly move downstream with the flow or get stuck at corners.
- Self-actualisation is only possible by wilfully resisting the urge to blindly follow our feelings and be comfortable with discomfort by acting out our principles by using persistent effort daily.
- The result of our efforts may not seem much now but if we keep at it, it adds up. Compound interest does its magic when we work sccoltly.
- Achievement of our end goal is more important than efficiency of the process that needs doing, and sometimes there are no shortcuts, and sccolt work is the only way, so we apply effort little-but-sccolt and become content with minor victories not occasionally-a-lot-briefly-and-then-almost-none and opt for total defeat. When frustrated, we half the effort intensity but double the duration it’s applied for. If we fail but aren’t frustrated, we keep repeating with same level of effort.
- Progress is the result of practice in discipline in exertion and inhibition. We’re not entitled to have anything for free (except the voluntary gifts we receive) and anything worthwhile requires sccolt effort, and the amount of effort required will always be directly proportional to the size of our goals.
- Concerning discipline routines, while excessive rigidity in ones planning causes frustration, excessive looseness causes impotence; so let’s be strict in core but reasonably flexible with details, just like a tree with central unbending trunk spreading out to further flexible branches.
- Secret of success is cultivation of good habits and habits have certain order and results, therefore be tree-strict with routines’ priority order and completion.
- Being successful in general in long run is lot more important than acing a specific opportunity and specific opportunities are abundant so allow plenty of individual failures as they are the steps of the ladder of success.
- Do it bad, do it OK many times, then do it well. Do it very little, then tiny bit more, then a little more.
6. Balanced Expectations
- Investing energy on routines & rules, because habits require less effort to carry out and their execution brings results bringing more energy back by verifying the principles.
- It’s easier to convince ourselves to do little but if there is too much to do we may avoid it altogether so let’s sccoltly iterate into smaller routines and not try to plan for crazy schedules directly from nothing.
- We overestimate the time and energy we have on short term, so let’s be humble and commit to minimum routine that’s actually doable to begin with. We underestimate the time and energy we have in long term so having challenging goals because on a long enough time-line incredible things are achievable.
- Blindly wanting what we wish or desire by a given time without considering recent behaviour is a recipe for continuous disappointment, so for any given future time-frame (be it next day, week or month) let’s expect only gradual change towards positive behaviour only because of nisaalst law.
- Committing to tasks based on wished or desired change without considering recent performance is recipe for disappointment so have absolute-commitments based on recent successful-commitments not wishes or desire. No to being icarus. Let’s not over commit. Let us strictly commit minor gradual changes only.
- NISAALST: (Next Is Slightly Around Average of Last Several Timeframe)
- Nissalst Law: Our behaviour in next future timeframe (be it week, month, year) is likely to be slightly around (above or below) average of behaviour in last several timeframes. This is becsuse whatever the reasons of current habits of behaviours aren’t suddenly going to go away magically. In other other words, we aren’t going to change our habits super quickly all of a sudden. SAALST law is therefore a concept that says even if we decided to change our life significantly there wont be dramatic changes straight away, and that our history of our action is always the real indicator of what we are really likely to do even more than what we say or believe we’re likely to do
- Having reasonable expectation( as defined as ‘Prediction of wish fulfillments’, ‘Prediction of commitment completion’) regarding oneself. Reflecting last several past timeframes and planning next several future timeframes based on that…So let’s wish what we can control and plan and commit for very very minor gradual improvements. Let’s wish to do volitional-&-achievable-as-of-now actions that increase the probability of achieving results and never the results themselves.
- Let’s expect slow curve of progress not rapid change. So let’s not plan and set expectation for us to suddenly act like a saviour who chooses to exercise his unlimited willpower but for our real selves based on how we’ve been behaving recently. Lets consider our continuous choices to consent to going with the flow for whatever reason and predict based on kind of choices we are already making unless we’ve absolutely decided otherwise by proof of recent past behaviour over a reasonably long period.
- Being content with the gradual progress rate according to Nisaalst law is lot harder than it appears because of wanting to maximise achievement and expect significant behavioural change with no or minimum effort. Also we don’t need to believe in Nisaalst law because we must, we are completely free to believe whatever, but time shall prove it that’s its absolutely true from the repeated observation of our own behaviours.
- There will be unexpected events, diversions, mis-forecast, positive surprises etc. despite the plan, so always accounting for them and expect elements of uncertanty.